Should you give your boyfriend more than 9 chances?

If you're counting chances, you probably already know the answer.

There's no magic number of chances that makes a relationship work. But there's a really useful question you can ask yourself: when they mess up, do they actually change their behaviour afterwards, or do they just say sorry and do the same thing again? A genuine apology comes with a change. If the apology is just words and the same thing keeps happening, that's not a mistake anymore. That's a pattern.

It's also worth thinking about why you're giving so many chances. Sometimes we stay because we remember how good it was at the start, or because we're scared of being on our own, or because we think it's our job to fix the other person. None of those are great reasons to stay in something that's making you unhappy.

You shouldn't have to keep count. Most of the time, it should feel like the person you're with makes your life better, and easier, not harder.

If you're reading this and thinking "but they're not that bad," try talking to a friend about it. Not to get them to agree with you, but to get an honest outside perspective. Sometimes the people around us can see things we can't when we're in the middle of it.

And if this is more serious than being let down, if your boyfriend is scaring you or controlling you, that's not a "chances" situation. That's something you deserve help with. Speak to someone you trust, or contact Childline on 0800 1111.

You deserve someone who doesn't need nine chances to treat you well.

If you are counting how many chances you have given someone, that is already telling you something.

The important question is: when they mess up, do they actually change? Or do they just say sorry and do the same thing again? If the same thing keeps happening, that is a pattern, not a mistake.

You should not have to keep count. Being with someone should mostly make your life better, not harder.

If your boyfriend is scaring you or controlling you, that is not about chances. That is something you need help with. Talk to someone you trust or call Childline on 0800 1111.

You deserve someone who does not need nine chances to treat you well.