Handwritten question: What if you are a Muslim and not allowed to have sex till you get married, so when you get married, you don't know how to have sex, by the way you are not allowed to watch porn as well! How embarrassing!
A real question from a young person, submitted anonymously.

What if you are a Muslim and not allowed to have sex till you get married, so when you get married, you don't know how to have sex, by the way you are not allowed to watch porn as well! How embarrassing!

Sex

You don't need to have had sex before to know how to have sex. Nobody is born knowing how. Everyone figures it out, whether they've waited until marriage or not.

The idea that you need "practice" or need to have watched porn to know what you're doing isn't true. Porn wouldn't teach you anyway, because it's performance, not reality. And plenty of people who have had sex before still don't know what they're doing because they never learned to communicate with their partner.

What actually makes sex work is communication. Talking to the person you're with about what feels good, what doesn't, and what you're both comfortable with. That applies whether it's your first time or your hundredth. Being willing to learn together is not a disadvantage. If anything, it can be better because you're figuring things out with each other rather than bringing assumptions from previous experiences.

This isn't just a Muslim thing either. Lots of people wait for marriage for religious, cultural, or personal reasons, and they work it out. It's not embarrassing. It's normal.

If you want to understand the basics before that point, reading accurate sex education resources (like this one) is a good way to learn without needing to watch porn or have sex first.

You do not need to have had sex before to know how to have sex. Nobody is born knowing how. Everyone figures it out.

You do not need to watch porn either. Porn would not teach you anyway because it is not real. It is acted.

What actually makes sex work is talking to the person you are with. Telling each other what feels good and what does not. Being willing to learn together is not a problem. It can actually be better because you are figuring things out with each other.

This is not just a Muslim thing. Lots of people wait for marriage for all sorts of reasons, and they work it out. It is not embarrassing. It is normal.

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