Talking to Boys About Masculinity, Misogyny and Online Influencers

Most boys are doing fine. They're not radicalised. They're not woman-haters. They're still having crushes, still loving their mums, still trying to figure out who they are. It's worth saying, because a lot of the conversation around masculinity in schools starts from the assumption that boys are the problem. They're not. They're kids who need support.

What has changed is what they're swimming in. The online influencer pipeline that runs from fitness content to misogyny to full-blown incel ideology is real, it's accessible, and it's reaching boys younger than most adults realise. Andrew Tate was the most searched-for person on TikTok in 2022. He's been less visible since, but the ecosystem he helped mainstream hasn't gone anywhere. Students at Xaverian College in Manchester put it well: "Younger, more vulnerable boys don't have a voice, so they look to someone like Andrew Tate to speak for them." (Source: The Guardian)

The 2026 DfE guidance now explicitly references misogyny and the influence of online content in shaping attitudes toward women and girls. That gives schools a clear mandate to teach about this. But having a mandate and knowing what to do with it are different things.

What doesn't work

Lecturing boys about toxic masculinity. The term itself tends to make them defensive before you've said anything useful. If a boy hears "toxic masculinity" and thinks you're calling him toxic, you've lost him.

One-off assemblies or drop-down day sessions. These can raise awareness, but they don't shift attitudes. Boys need time to sit with ideas, talk them through with each other, and come back to them. A single session doesn't give them that.

Framing the conversation as "boys need to be better." Boys who are already thoughtful and decent switch off because they don't recognise themselves in the framing. Boys who are genuinely struggling feel attacked. Neither group gets what they need.

What works better

Giving boys space to talk honestly, over time, with someone they trust. The conversations that shift things tend to happen in the second or third session, not the first. Trust has to build before honesty follows.

Asking questions instead of delivering answers. In one session, a boy said to me, "But what if I want to be hench and sleep with lots of women? Is that bad? Am I wrong?" My instinct was to correct or reframe. The more useful thing was to pause and explore where the question was actually coming from. That pause is where the real work happens.

Starting from what boys actually care about rather than what we think they should care about. Friendships, status, fitting in, feeling confident, being respected. These are the entry points. Misogyny and gender norms become relevant when you connect them to things boys already think about, not when you present them as abstract social problems.

Using the influencer content itself as material. Boys have already seen it. Pretending it doesn't exist, or just saying "that's wrong," doesn't give them the critical thinking tools to evaluate it for themselves. The PSHE Association and several RSE providers now have resources specifically designed for this.

What the 2026 guidance says

The updated DfE statutory guidance requires schools to teach that online content can present a distorted picture of the world and normalise misogyny. It also requires teaching about the influence of online role models and the difference between healthy and unhealthy expressions of masculinity. This is new statutory content for many schools.

The Mental Health Foundation has noted that restrictive masculinity norms discourage boys from talking about their mental health. Research in The Lancet Public Health found that cultural expectations around emotional control among men actively deter them from seeking support. Schools that address masculinity well are also addressing mental health, whether they frame it that way or not.

Trusted resources

• PSHE Association: Guidance and lesson plans on respectful relationships and challenging misogyny (pshe-association.org.uk)
• Life Lessons: Research on boys' attitudes to consent, with classroom resources (lifelessons.co.uk)
• DfE 2026 statutory guidance: Respectful relationships and online safety sections (gov.uk)
• The Mental Health Foundation: Research on masculinity and mental health (mentalhealth.org.uk)

If your school wants support with masculinity and misogyny education, or staff training on how to facilitate these conversations, get in touch.